The death of a child is so unsettling. It goes against all that we hold dear in life - that life has a future and there is always hope. But when a child dies, those assumptions can die too. How can we reasonably accept this loss of innocence? -the child who is innocent and the hope that is innocent.

It rattles us because what is lost is so much unmet possibility. We had imagined the future of the child. We believed in it. And now, we not only do not have the child with us but also the life that will never unfold the way it should have, we tell ourselves.

And by suicide, the grief will be felt exponentially. All the adults in his life will tear themselves apart imagining the suffering he went through before he made that decision. And all of the adults torture themselves wondering why they missed the signs, why they didn't do something to prevent it.

But,somehow we all must find a way to know, to know that we are powerless in the face of things we cannot control . And we must find a way to believe that it's really going to be o.k. We all make sense of it in our own way but it is imperative to find that way for our own sanity and health but also for others in our lives.

Nannypat, my heart goes out to you. I can only imagine the pain you're feeling.