I am at a calm 2. As I woke up a few minutes ago the thought was there but just as fast I remembered a coping tool that a friend reminded me of earlier. My level started to climb again so I grabbed my emergency list and called a friend. That friend in a sound sleep sits up and says ok here's what we are going to do go to the freezer and open the door. I did. She asked me to name of the contents so I did. When I reached vanilla ice cream she told me to take it out so I did. She told me to open the silver ware draw and I did. She said to take out a spoon so I did. She told me open the cupboard and take out a bowl and to put 5 spoons of ice cream in the bowl. So I did. By this time Im thinking I don't want to eat ice cream I want to cut. and told her so. She told me to just do what she says it wasn't up for debate and if I hung up the phone she would be at my door pounding hard enough to wake up every neighbor in this place. Then she told me to open my drawer next to where I got the spoon from so I did it then she had me take out two candles the 0, 1, and 3 and told me to put them on the ice cream first 1, then 0 then 3. Obviously I am not 103 years old but was not about to question her motives again since I was the one that called her. She then told me to light them and close by eyes when I did she sang - Happy aniversery to you, Happy aniversery to you happy aniversery you have made it 10 months and 3 days, happy aniversery to you. then she told me since I have met my goal of 10 months I have permission to cut once if I still wanted to OR I can set another goal for myself...

I stood there thinking... I lasted over 10 months?! what just happened here -

When I called her even in sleepy head she Broke things down into accomplishable goals

AND

Made sure that I celebrated my accomplishment of reaching my goal I had set for myself last month

now I can either get my much craved for release or set a new goal - What did I tell her?

Hell lets set that new goal - heres to11 months.

So folks when all else fails try breaking things down into accomplishable goals and celebrate your reaching those goals. I made it through the night by setting one accomplishable gaol after another and went I met those goals celebrated it. I am now back on track.

Good luck to all.