Damn bro ive went thru the same **** and just yesterday I was supposed to be divorcing my wife.. I mean her divorcing me lol I ruined a great relationship thankfully we are trying to make it work but im still a step away from divorce. Im always a step away from ****ing everything up like u I rapid cycle make up dellusions hallucinate paranoia haunts me. My meds only do so much but bro ive been in your shoes and still am but today I have to say bipolar will always haunt me but I cant let it ruin my life! Ive done everything you say u do and then some. I want to punch people just to do it or spit on them for no reason then it passes and I forget all about it. Until five minutes later someone tells me im wrong then I flip out in rage and say hurtful terrible things! Nobody understands you like you same for me answers are there we just have to not give up! My whole marriage has suffered because of bpd I cant let it **** anything else up anymore! Neither should you! You gotta pick yourself up and sort through your brain if you rapid cycle there r meds for that it hasnt made mine go away just helps! I wont pray for you repectfully im not religious but sympathize with you ive been there hell im still there my wife hates the bipolar part of me as do you but there is a true you that needs to emerge and take contro
! Im sick of rapid cycling dellusions paranoia! But its reality and youll see your way through it as will I! Hang in there man!!!