Wow!this is the first time i have ever really wanted to open up about what i feel an whats going on in my twisted little headwell,to begin,i married young,16,an had my first child at the age of 18,my husband became controlling an abusive,i fell deeper in to drugs,more like i used drugs as a non prescribed medication.at the age of 22,i noticed i was forming really bad health harming habits,like,id chew toilet paper constintly,i i do to this day,it seems to calm my nerves,thats not my probvlem though,my problem is i hate my self,,,always have,i think about death alot an if id kill my self if my kids werent here.i wake up an ill an with a bad outlook for the rest of the days,i take my frustration out on my children an crace what ever drug i can get at the moment,its more than an addition,drugs dont make happy,actually they make me further into my own personal hell,wich i do believe excist,i get annoyed very easily by every one around me,i have a longing for the time i spend alone with my own hopes which i dont really have many,i harm my body,pop pills,smoke pot,drink,all day,where is my piece?i was diagnosed with dysthymia a few years ago an i think i need a new diagnoses,the celexa isnt working