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.PARTIALLY" IN THATI'M BLIND IN ONE EYE, ALMOST TOTAL LOSS OF HEARING AND UNABLE TO WALK MORE THAN A BLOCK W/O
A CANE. I HAVN'T HEARD A HUMAN VOICE FOR OVER A YEAR AND SOMETIMES I GET STARTLED IF SOMEONE
COMES UP CLOSE TO ME BECAUSE I EITHER HAVE'NT HEARD FOOTSTEPS OR DIDN'T SEE THEM UNTIL THE
LAST MOMENT DUE TO THE EYESIGHT BLINDNESS. I CAN'T REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I LAUGHED, BUT CRYING
IS ALMOST WEEKLY..OR LESS.
I DON'T HAVE A DOCTOR AND AM AFRAID OF HOSPITALS THAT MIGHT "FORCE" ME INTO TESTS I EITHER CAN'T
AFFORD OR DONT WANT. IF I GO ANYWHERE, IT'S IN A TAXI TO GROCERY SHOP AND BOTH COST MONEY THAT
IS DIMMING THE CHECKBOOK. I"M UP UNTIL 4/5 AM EVERY NIGHT and ONLY SLEEP "WELL" WHEN I'M EXHAUSTED
FROM BEING UP ALL DAY AND NIGHT.
THE PAST 5 YEARS HAVE SEEN THE LOSS OF MY MOTHER , MY HALF BROTHER AND MY BEST FRIEND.
DAD DIED IN 1957.I HAVE NO LOVE, EITHER TO GIVE OR RECEIVE. A "LOVE" FROM A FEW YEARS AGO,
I GUESS, SAW MY VULNERABILTY AND STOLE MONEY FROM ME, NEVER TO BE SEEN AGAIN.
AND HERE'S MY MAJOR DEPRESSION SET IN, AS IF ALL THE ABOVE ISN'T ENOUGH. IT IS WHY I CRY SO
MUCH, SOMETIMES BLUBBERING....I MISS MY DOG...A BEAUTIFUL BLACK LABRADOR. I HAD HER FOR 4
YEARS..WE WALKED TOGETHER SOMETIMES 4/5 MILES A DAY. SHE MADE ME LAUGH AND TRUSTED MY
PROTECTION OF HER. A FEW SHORT YEARS AGO, I COULDN'T AFFORD TO KEEP HER DUE TO MONEY
PROBLEMS, MIXED IN DETERIORATING HEALTH PROBLEMS. THE DAY AFTER I LEFT HER WITH THE
BEST FRIEND MENTIONED ABOVE , I GOT AN EMAIL saying , "OH GARY..THIS IS AWFUL...MISSY HAS
CRIED ALL DAY AND INTO THE NIGHT SINCE YOU LEFT HER HERE.." TRUST? YEH...I BLEW OUT HER TRUST.
IT GETS WORSE...MY BEST FRIEND DIED UNEXPECTEDLY. AND I GOT ANOTHER EMAIL TELLING ME THAT.
TWO WEEKS LATER, TELLS ME THAT MISSY BOLTED OUT A BACK FENCE AND WAS
KILLED BY A CAR. I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO SHAKE MY RESPONSIBILITY OFF, BLAME MYSELF DAILY
FOR LETTING HER GO, PRAY FOR HER EVERYDAY, BUT FAULT MYSELF for LOSING MY COMPANION.
WE'LL WALK NO MORE. Yes, people lose PETS, BUT MISSY WAS MORE THAN A PET. ..SHE WAS THE
LOVE I NEEDED..THEN AND NOW. NO, I CAN"T HAVE A DOG WHERE I LIVE...I JUST BEAT MYSELF UP FOR
PUTTING MISSY IN THOSE POSITIONS.
I'M SURE I LEFT A LOT OF SITUATIONS OUT, BUT WILL LEAVE IT AS IT IS FOR NOW.
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