Name: Mel
Age:35
Sex:Female
Location:New England
Age when you first self-injured: Around 10
How long have you been self-injuring (months, years): 25 yrs

What are/were some of your triggers (i.e. fights with parents, school work, getting dumped, etc.)?
1. Anger
2. deep sadness
3. frustration
4. situations that cause anxiety or stress
5. sometimes elation triggers me
6. accidently scratch by the cat or burn from spattered oil
7. growing up; school, parents and the dangerous lifestyle
8. List goes on and on, really anything can be a trigger even without any ryhme or reason for it

What did you know about self-injury before you started?Nothing How?

I didnt know that that was what I was doing until I was in my twenties. I actually don't recall when I first heard the term self injurer, but I believe it was one of my therapists.

What made you start self-injuring? (the specific incident or trigger if you can remember)

I can't pinpoint it as there are several but I do know it started around the time my dad got involved in a gang.

Why do/did you self-injure?

As a release, I was not allowed to express any anger, sadness, etc growing up and s/I was a way for me to release it. Altho I did not know then that that was what I was doing.

How does/did it make you feel better?

It feels as though the inner pain is seeping out thru the physical and even tho its only a temp. feeling it feels good like its the only way to let it out. It also gets the focus off of what ever is troubling me.

Have there been any health scares that resulted from your self-injury (emergency room visits, etc.)?

I have always been very careful to not require any medical attention due to s/i as I have an intense fear of being locked up. No one knew I did these things to myself until I was 29 yrs old. Since I turned 29, I have struggled with extreme intense desire to feel a lot of pain and see a lot of my own blood so when I feel that coming on I get help right away b/c it scares me to death....

Did you continue to self-injure despite this? Yes I do

If you still self-injure do you think you will ever stop?

Probably not .... I do go through periods when I do not s/I for weeks even months at a time. But I will always struggle with it and have lapses.

Do you want to stop?

Honetsly, I am not sure. I still have work to do with expressing my emotions and becoming connected so right now , no I do not want to stop b/c right now it is my only feeling of release.

Why can't/won't you stop? Control probably

Have you been diagnosed with any mental disorders? If so, which ones (OCD, Major Depressive Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, etc.)?

S/I, Bipolar, OCD, PTSD, Borderline Schizophrenia, Borderline PD, anxiety/panic disorder