Wow. I have been there and done that. I still feel like that too. But you need to first see a therapist to get your self-abuse urges under control. I know how desperate you are feeling, how the world is caving in on your head, but don't hurt yourself. Don't make yourself ugly like that. There are alternatives.

See a therapist, be with your friends or family, engage in some self-growth activities. Become a better, healthier woman. And then try to talk to him. But realize that he is not the key to your happiness, and that time heals everything. Sometimes people come into our lives for a reason, and it's not just for "love" but something far greater.

I hope you will read this and feel better.