Thank you for your kind response, Wispiwill.

Yeah, self-hate and I have been on the same train for a very long time. Keeps on going down, despite everything I do to avoid it. My bf hasn't ever experienced self-hate, so he's baffled by it. He doesn't understand how I can seem happy and careless one minute, and then be struck by such deep dark self-hate thoughts.

Thank you for the compliment on my behavior with the girls. I try so hard....but isn't ever easy. Never! I have these "fantasy-like" goals developed in early-childhood. I try to be more realistic, but it's always a kick down. Don't know if you understand what I mean. Life is often so frustrating for me. My T put it well today, when he said that I'm like a pot just ready to boil. Add anything into my pot and I flow over. A very good way to put it!!

Welcome to Psych Central, Wispiwill. I hope that you are able to gain some relief, support, and coping techniques to help you through. Very best wishes to you!