It's really hard to talk about this. I feel like I'm betraying him whenever I do. I comfort myself saying it's the internet and nobody's going to know him personally, but it doesn't help. I'm betraying him. But I need to help him, and I don't know how to do that. I'm really hoping you guys can give me some advice on this.

His ex-girlfriend tried to commit suicide. He was the only one there for her. Her parents weren't very good about it. She was pregnant. It happened two times. The second happened while he was trying to talk to her parents. He lived at the hospital for a few days. Her parents sent her away. She died of an allergic reaction. Okay. I just typed it. That was really hard. I don't know if I can send this. I feel so terrible. I'm so guilty. I don't want to send this. But I think you need to know this in order to help. I'm pressing on... I guess I can always delete this thread later, right?

Okay. Okay. Well... He's not sleeping. Every time he goes to sleep he's got these terrible nightmares. It's of her. I don't know much about them. They haunt him. He gets two hours a night if he's lucky. I can't stand it. It's been a month. He wont talk about it. His parents are out of the question to talk about it. My parents are definitely not suited for that, they've got problems of their own. Her parents blame him. He tells me all he needs is time, and he's never one to talk about feelings.

I finally brought up talking to a therapist about this... It's hard because he's got a really big temper. He loves me and he'd never hurt me in a million years, and he always comes around and apologizes for it, he feels terrible about it, and I don't mind it so much. It's just that it's hard to convince him of anything he doesn't want to do.

"Me: I feel so useless just sitting and not doing anything about this... You're not sleeping... Do you think that... maybe you should talk to someone about it? Doesn't have to be me, but... I'm really worried about you...

Him: No.

Me: I know you don't talk about things, but how could you possibly keep this inside? It's not working. You're human. You're being tortured... And I know that you wouldn't care, normally, but... You care about me, right? And if our situations were switched... How would you feel? Would you just sit back and let me suffer because I'd get mad at you if you did something?

Him: Switching positions doesn't work. Were both very different in the way we deal with things. You may need to talk. But i just need time.

Me: I'd believe you but things aren't getting better with time...
How about this... We set a date... And if thing's haven't changed since then... you'll consider it... (and that's not a "you'll do something immediately", that's just a "you'll actually consider it"... because I know you're not, and wouldn't...) But if they're getting better than I'll drop it... Is that okay?

Him: I guess...but it wont change anything. I'm not talking to anybody.

Me: It might. Most people benefit from it. You're not most people, but it's not going to hurt you... And I'm not saying do it... I'm just saying... think about doing it...
what date do you wanna set?

Him: I refuse.

Me: To think about it? or to set a date?

Him: Both.

Me: You wouldn't have to think about it until said date...
Why not... May 5th? Things don't have to be completely better by them... I don't expect them to... But if they've improved, then fine I wont nag you about talking, your own methods are proving to be working... But if nothing's improved, then you'll think about it. That's all I'm asking... Please...

Him: No. I'm not changing my mind on this. Ever.

Me: But what if it doesn't change? What if you're stuck like this? I wont let that happen. I will never let that happen. But to make sure it doesn't, you might have to change your mind on it...
I'm saying May 5th... Let's just see what happens...
I'm sorry I'm pushing you. I love you.

Him: You can set all the dates you want. Im not budging."


That's how most of these conversations go. Please. I don't know what to do. I'm betraying him by writing this but I need help on how to help him. I'm pathetic and I'm not doing anything to help, I'm just getting him upset. Please please please somebody help.

[ALSO: I will delete this later. I can't stand having this up. I can't stand myself for doing this. I'd really prefer PM's if the conversation continues. Thanks...]