Name: <font color="#000088"> Rap </font>
Age: <font color="#000088"> 29+++++++ </font>
Sex: <font color="#000088"> female </font>
Location: <font color="#000088"> Utah </font>
Age when you first self-injured: <font color="#000088"> 6 </font>
How long have you been self-injuring (months, years): <font color="#000088"> 30 years </font>

What are/were some of your triggers (i.e. fights with parents, school work, getting dumped, etc.)?
<font color="#000088"> being hurt and not being able to tell someone, being lectured about something and not able to do anything about it (even right then because the lecture doesn't stop), being told that my feelings are wrong or bad, not feeling in control of my emotions, intense feelings that are too much, feeling numb </font>

What did you know about self-injury before you started? How?
<font color="#000088"> Nothing, but I used methods other than cutting. The first time I cut I was 20 and still hadn't heard about self-injury. At that time I thought I was attempting suicide, although all I did was scratches. I got more into using blades after finding out about other people doing that. </font>

What made you start self-injuring? (the specific incident or trigger if you can remember)
<font color="#000088"> The first time I don't know exactly but it had to do with bullies on the way home from school and not being able to do anything about it, and built-up anger that I wasn't able to express. </font>

Why do/did you self-injure? How does/did it make you feel better?
<font color="#000088"> Reasons vary. Sometimes it was to prove that I was hurt, and make it something that I could see so that I could prove (even to myself) that it was legitimate. Sometimes I couldn't take any more and it was a way to make something change. Sometimes it's just easier to deal with something tangible and physical than something vague like emotions that I couldn't see. </font>

How do/did you feel before, during, and after the self-injury?
<font color="#000088"> Before - angry, depessed, out of control. During - numb or excited. After - calm, worn out, scared. </font>

Have there been any health scares that resulted from your self-injury (emergency room visits, etc.)? Did you continue to self-injure despite this?
<font color="#000088"> no </font>

If you've been to a psychiatric hospital could you describe your experience? Did it help you? Why or why not?
<font color="#000088"> I have never been hospitalized, but was taken to the county jail once because I had shredded my face, and neighbors saw me and called the police, and they didn't have any psychiatric services at the hospital there. I hated that, but that was my lowest point and was when I figured out that something had to change. It wasn't the last time I self-injured though - recovery takes longer than that. That was almost three years ago. </font>

If you still self-injure do you think you will ever stop? Do you want to stop? Why can't/won't you stop?
<font color="#000088"> I haven't cut in five months now. I still think about it sometimes, whether or not I have a reason to. But it's not compatible with my goals in life now, so I need to not do it anymore. The thing that scares me is that I'll just do something else instead, and maybe it would be worse. Like maybe hurting someone else or doing something worse to myself. I do hope that this time I'll be able to handle it. In the past, the times when I wasn't cutting were when I was more depressed and too scared to cut, but this time is different. </font>

If you don't self-injure anymore why did you stop? How did you stop? How hard is it to refrain from doing this?
<font color="#000088"> I found a therapist who holds me accountable, and if I get self-destructive, even a little bit, she asks lots of obnoxious questions about why I'm doing that and what I think it's going to accomplish. I know that self-injury only avoids my problems temporarily. It doesn't fix anything, and often makes things worse in the long run. Sometimes it's hard to remember why I should care about not self-injuring, but I don't have to give in and allow myself to do it. </font>

Have you been diagnosed with any mental disorders? If so, which ones (OCD, Major Depressive Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, etc.)?
<font color="#000088"> Dependent personality disorder, avoidant personality disorder, several major depressive episodes, dysthymic disorder, social anxiety, seasonal affective disorder, generalized anxiety disorder. </font>