Thanks to everyone who commented. Halfswede, thanks for identifying. Caretaker Leo, I'd love to learn how "normal" people just carry on without exposing their insecurities.

Madisgram, I'm so honored to have your friendship, and to benefit from what you've learned in your recovery. That "blank canvas syndrome" can be so intimidating. Perfectionism is such a bane. I also feel often that I'm not being a good friend to you and others at PC, not making much contact. I aim to do better.

Sopunkrock, thanks. I need the example of folks like you who despite anxiety, get up and get out, facing the fear. It is the only way to get back on track, and stop hiding.

Byz, thanks for the reminder re cognitive distortions. I'm getting a bit better at talking back to them from a more rational and hopeful perspective. And thanks for the word "extirpate". I thought that was something treated with laxatives.