Thank you for the support, everyone.

Improving - what you said about being sorry for not being able to be your best self had me in tears. I completely relate. I wish the best of luck to you.

PleaseHelp - I am seeing a therapist (the same woman for 8 years now,) but I'm not on meds. I've had too many adverse reactions. Unfortunately, I don't have many friends or family I can turn to, and most just don't understand why it's so difficult for me to let go. That's why I'm so glad to have this community.

It's been a few days, and so far, SI-free. I've been trying meditation, breathing, loud music, and journaling to keep it together.