Many thanks to everyone replying. I've tried to check myself regarding my inital post.
This is not about a dog..it's about how her loss affects me in resent "life".
I never wanted my current situations to affect other people here who are experiencing their own pains in life...only that I ,I guess, needed to explain the magnitude of my hurting. Were there a genie in a bottle, I would wish for relief of physical discomfort and the way to forever deal with the loss of my companion. It's yet another sleepless night..now 3:13 am.. I last "slept" after taking otc pain killer..
that gained me one hour's sleep....yesterday about the same time.