Hi there frances and welcome.
I took your reponse to another thread and started you a new one so that you can be welcomed and get the support that you need.
I'm so sorry to read your story of abuse.

I would highly suggest to continue reaching out for support and understanding as you did here. Also, a good talk therapist can help you to analyze, deal with, and hopefully place this.
Keep talking. I look forward to reading more from you soon.
Again, welcome
KD