Hi Leed,

I have been the one who wants to go to therapy. She said she would prefer to go to counseling alone. However, she refuses to do that. We have gone to counseling, but she seems to think that you can go to therapy for a couple of sessions and then everything is magically ok in the marriage. Maybe it's not helpful to think this way, I just feel like if she really cared about our marriage then she would go to counseling. Her mother, twin sister, and others think she really needs help. I know I need help to. The counselor didn't simply just tell my wife what she wanted to hear. The counselor didn't side with me, she was rather objective about both of our problems. My wife thinks she can do things to work on her part of our marriage.

I admit that there are things I can change about myself. I go to counseling every other week. I just can't make a marriage work alone. One cannot change how a person feels, thinks, or behaves. She likes to just stay in her comfort zone. She is resistant to trying almost anything different. If nothing is done differently, it is already quite apparent that nothing is going to improve.

There is resentment on both sides. I do admit I feel bitter. I want my wife and I to be able to talk about how we feel and think without feeling like we are trying to navigate through a minefield. I tried to talk to her about how I feel and what I want out of our relationship. She just won't listen. She appears to just think that I myself try to take the easy way out. It's as though I'm just making up my disabilities. I on the other hand do not have a trust problem with what she says about how her disabilities affect her.

I feel very frustrated because sometimes I am talking to an open minded, listening, and reflective person. The wife I married. Then I never know when she is going to just decide to attack and belittle me.

Thanks for your advice.

David