Darla, I know some of the agony you are experiencing. The experiences are rough enough on us, but feeling like there is no-one who can relate or care is devastating. Please hold on tight?
Hopefully you can use your art as a means for expression and release.
It sounds from your profile like your boyfriend cares for you.
Are you able to make new friends amongst other artists who aren't battling with addictions, who will possibly be in a better position to encourage you & love you for who you are?

Huge Hug

TS