I'm very sorry for what your sister did to you. I'm very sorry for the ongoing shame, self-hatred, and guilt.

Sexual abuse often brings those feelings of worthlessness, even though you, like any victim of sexual abuse, do not deserve them. In addition, you have to deal with the fact that your abuser was your sister, not a man. Sexual abuse is highly isolating as it is; then you add on the feeling of aloneness that comes from your sister, rather than a male, being your abuser. You must feel singled out for unusual abuse, and doubly worthless in thinking that there must have been a reason for you to be singled out. This isolation brings even more pain.

I'm so sorry that you have had to experience these things. You do not deserve them. Your pain is valid and I am very sorry for it.

I believe that you would feel compassion for another woman who was victimized as you describe. How possible is it for you to extend some of that compassion to yourself?

What does the rest of your family know about your experiences? Have they been supportive to you? Could there can be other ways to work on these issues over the summer? Will you return to your college in the fall? If so, does a new school year bring 12 more sessions, or is it 12 sessions for your whole career there?

I hope that you will keep posting here, and will find encouragement and support in your recovery.