I agree with adorningwounds. I can't say that I haven't felt that jealous before. In fact...before I decided to join this website I was struggling with very serious jealousy issues and thought the same things (only it was about ex girlfriends and not random strangers).

Darkangel, you said you are currently in therapy? Have you talked to your doctor about how you feel? I can totally relate, by the way. I don't identify myself as having any disorders (because I feel like if you have a personality at all, you have some "disorder" or another; there are actually disorders for being excessively happy!), but I have had some MAJOR jealousy problems in my past and current relationship. It comes down to insecurity and loving yourself. Ugh, why is loving yourself so hard? I hate myself sometimes. I used to dream of doing exactly what you described to my current boyfriend's ex girlfriends. I wanted them to feel my pain. Why do they get to be perfect and I have to be so flawed?

It's a really difficult thing to let go of, but trust in your relationship and loving yourself, however cliche it might be, is the only answer that I have found. I'm not saying I'm over it, because I still fight the urge to get angry when a cute girl passes by, and sometimes I make a snarky comment afterwards like "I know you were looking at her"...and you know what? He was. But SO WAS I! If you want to get rid of those feelings, you have to accept that no matter how attractive, or "perfect" you are, there will always be that insecurity. What matters is not who your boyfriend looks at, or occassionally fantasizes about, it's how he treats you and how you feel about yourself. Bottom line, no matter how angry or jealous you are, if he wants to cheat on you, he will. So, since there isn't anything you can do about it, why not just accept it and laugh about it? Focus on living your life and loving yourself, and you'll be surprised at how much those things don't matter to you anymore. Try to remember that those girls you are projecting your insecurities on might also feel the same way about you! They might even be dealing with abusive relationships or a bad breakup or a lost loved one.

Do something nice for yourself. Take a bubble bath and give yourself a facial. Have confidence that you are worth loving, and that your boyfriend, though he may look at other women, is WITH YOU, and not someone else. That makes you special to him. And if he does cheat on you, then thank him for it because it means you can move on and find someone who will be faithful to you and appreciate you.

I really feel for you, and I hope it helps to know that you are NOT crazy, and your feelings ARE valid. Cut yourself a little slack, ok? You're a good person who deserves love and respect, so start by giving that to yourself. It's ok to feel angry sometimes, but remind yourself that those feelings are about you and not anyone else. Find a good stress release for yourself. Get a punching bag, or take a kick boxing class! It will make you feel better about how you look (exercise always does, no matter what your body type), and it will allow you to vent that anger and frustration in a healthy, controlled environment.

Good luck to you! I hope this helps. <3