(((UpInTheTrees))) - I'm sorry you're so depressed and feeling sad over these losses/changes that have occurred. Do you think your friends would understand or do they have any idea what you're going through? Since you're used to being upbeat with your friends, maybe you're worried they won't respond well. Don't be hard of yourself. Do you feel like calling one nice friend?

ATM everything probably seems like a mountain, you just can't solve. Put aside things you can't control and take small steps in areas you think you can handle. Hang in there and I hope you feel better soon.