((((autumnleaves))))

Thank you for posting and reachng out. I know how hard it is to reach out and to feel like there is no one who understands or is there. Truth is many understand and even though it was your sister it was abuse and it was wrong. The fact is that abuse hurts no matter who or when or where.

I hear your pain and I know that opening up is hard and it is painful. The way out is through and you are doing what you need to do. I am sorry that you are feeling so much pain right now and that you feel so alone. I know when I tell anyone for the first time it is raw and feels as though someone is pouring acid in an open wound that feels as though it will never heal.

I validate how you are feeling and want you to know that you are not alone. I know it feels that way but we do care and are listening. I have found that in therapy it often gets worse before it gets better but it can get better as you work through the feelings and pain that is there. It is never easy and sometimes we have to go through it more than once as we step deeper into our feelings and what we buried for so long.

I hope you know that it was not your fault and that what happened was wrong. The shame, guilt, and self-hatred I understand so well but it is not your shame, or guilt. And you do deserve to love yourself. Forgiveness to yourself is important for holding in those feelings against yourself as you were not to blame. But I do understand how you have those feelings. I carry it too.

Breath and know that needing support and help through this is okay. I am glad that you were able to open up to your therapist about what happened. And I am glad that you were able to write it here. I hope that you find another therapist soon. Please keep posting here as you can and let us know how you are doing. We do care and we are here and listening.

Sending gentle hugs and loving thoughts. Always.

dps