Byzantine,

You make a good point. Maybe it does sound like I am trying to duck responsibility. However, our daughter frequently wants to see the parent that isn't watching her. She is about four years old. She has always been much happier around both of us. Most children would prefer for the parents to be together. I have no control over whether my wife wants to be with me or not.

When our daughter says that she misses her mother, I don't call my wife about it. If anything, our daughter needs structure. It is hard on her to be apart. Yet, if every time we call the other to take our daughter over to the other parent, our daughter would be shuttled back and forth constantly. It simply is not practical or possible to do this while we are separated. Besides the importance of as much structure and stability for our daughter, we both have lives of our own. I try to put my needs before my daughter's and up until my wife's before mine.

As far as my therapist goes, she knows about how hard it has been for me to say no to my wife. That is because I still love her and she is still my wife. However, through my therapist, she has really helped me become aware of how much of a doormat I have been. My wife also tends to exaggerate how she is always sick. If she isn't sick, then my daughter is. However, when my daughter is with me, she seems very healthy. My therapist believes she is a user and I must stand up to her. I must be more assertive. The couples counselor said to me in a private session with her that she would not blame me for being very upset with my wife and wanting a divorce. This is after the couples counselor saw us together and heard both sides. Her own side of the family has been accusing her of ducking responsibility lately.