I admire you for all your efforts to get your relationship in the right track, you're trying, trying..you have a great energy about you, you took the effort to describe in detail exactly the kind of advice you need and expect. It scares me what you write in the end.."If something were to happen to us, I would probably die of depression.." and also, "I have nothing to look forward for in life without her.." These blanket statements scare me. True love doesn't complete you, it comes from two people who feel whole on their own, coming together and sharing, slowly, little things about themselves, and gradually a little more, all the while maintaining who they are and what they know about themselves. What do you know about you? College plans? Dreams? Interests? You definately write well. And it definately will hurt, especially your first love, it just kills when it ends, please post and let me know how you are doing now, I just noticed the date and much of your life has gone by. I'm curious how you're doing, Augusta