Being a child who was used a pawn during my parents divorce - it sucks (I was 7 when she left). I can't take sides because it was both of them. My dad would tell me things about my mom to try and make me choose sides. My mom would drive me to my dad's house while he was gone so she could get something from the house that was hers and that way she didn't have to deal with them.

Divorce will not change a thing about how you two deal with your daughter. When my parents were still married I heard screaming constantly. When they were divorced I had to try and filter out what my parents would tell me about each other. They couldn't even come to my sister's college graduation party and be civil. They have been divorced almost 17 years and they still hate each other. I would say my mom is closer to forgiveness and actually being "over it" than my dad, but still.

Either way the child gets hurt. It sounds like both of you have a lot of resentment towards each other and keeping the kid in that environment doesn't do anything but hurt. I would be a lot more messed up if my parents had stayed together. At least this way I got to see what real love is between my mom and step-dad. Seeing my parents like that for so long has led to me being terrified of commitment. I wish they would have divorced sooner actually. Just giving you my POV from going through it.