Oh, violet, what a difficult thing to have to go through at the age of twenty! Many hugs and much sympathy. Death is something we should only have to deal with later on in life when we may be more prepared. Are you near your mother? Can you be with her in her final days? Is she conscious and aware? If you can do it, if you have the time, go be with her as she struggles through this time that must be even harder for her than for you. Hold her. Be with her. Help her with what she needs. Talk with her, about anything she wants to talk about. Regardless of the nature of your relationship with her in the past. Bring her love and comfort. Dying is very lonely. Be with her.

You yourself will feel best if at this moment you devote yourself to her last days. I know the kinds of problems, pains and difficulties you yourself are going through right now. But you will in the end feel best if you put your own feelings to the side right now and devote yourself to her and her needs. After she's gone you can concentrate on you and grieve for her. But in order to be sure, after the fact, that you've done the right thing, that you have nothing to reproach yourself with, be with her now and give priority to her.

Of course, I do not know your situation. I know nothing about your problems or your past relationship with your mother. Whether you've been on good terms with her or not. And I'll tell you straight, I don't think that matters. If it's physically and financially possible, just be with her, hold her, and help her. You yourself have a long life ahead of you and you'll have a lot of time to sort out your own problems. When people close to us are dying, if at all possible, they should take first priority.

Yes, you may feel frightened and weak and not know what to do. Just try to summon up all your gumption, pull yourself together, and help her. When she's gone, all of us here on PC will gladly work with you on your feelings and memories and grief. Take care.