Hi Salukigirl,

I appreciate you telling me about how hard it was to be a child that had to deal with be treated like a pawn. My parents stayed married for 25 years. They didn't get a divorce until I was well into adulthood. Like you, there were many times I wish they would get a divorce. For me, I know that both people are generally responsible for a relationship falling apart. Despite knowing this, I still tend to harbor a little bit of resentment towards how my dad treated me.

Anyway, my wife and I have agreed that we will not talk bad about the other parent regardless of whether we get divorced or not. I believe it is wrong to hate someone. I actually kind of feel sorry for my wife. She has to deal with a lot of physical pain and depression. That is why I go out of my way to help. However, I think that sometimes she goes to far and tries to take advantage of me. If she asked in a kind and respectful way for help, I don't mind helping whenever I can.

I love my wife and daughter. No matter what happens, I want my daughter to suffer the least possible consequences if our marriage ends legally. If I say bad things about her mother, that will hurt my daughter and vice versa. I actually just talk about her mother in a positive light. I don't want my daughter to feel like she has to choose a parent. She needs both her mother and father no matter what.

As far as this post goes, it really comes down to the fact I felt my wife was trying to say I was a "bad" father for saying no to her on a very rare occasion. Maybe I am just making too much out of being accused of not want to spend time with my daughter. My wife and I are both way too sensitive.