As my mom's caregiver, i am at depressive loss. She blames me for not knowing what she is thinking. She blames me for not keeping track of her appointments...she blames me when she loses important stuff. Then she gets upset when she does something and I have to help her up off the floor. i get angry when she does stuff and falls. i try to hide it but i get frustrated because i do not want her to get hurt. Yet she cannot accept that she cannot do all that she used to do. So once again i cancelled my pdoc appointment. Afraid to leave her alone. Frustrated because cannot afford someone to come in and stay with mom. Frustrated that it is so hard to do everything alone. i have no friends in the same city to help me. My relatives are seniors too. My neighbors? Mom forbids them in her business for it will be up and down the entire block. What do I do? i cry very quietly inside a pillow. I write my whine here. i talk to pdoc's phone message.
Suck in the feelings. Make like all is okay...be cheerful.
Strange thought....SI thought. That will not help anything...only make everything harder.
Feeling like a failure.
well had better go fake happiness and see about making something for lunch for mom. Work on cleaning....you suck at that too i know....but try...there is no one else to help you.