I've really been working hard at coming out some with the H and working with W_I to feel safe with H.
Last night it all went to h**l. was a bad day for us. Went to bed and H was cuddling us as he has been. Relaxing and feeling safe for us. THEN he wanted more. broke the promise that he would ask first and respect the signals or saying NO.
W_I turned over and said good night. Signal for "no" when can't say it.
He disregarded it. did his thing. went to sleep.

Angry part is really angry, wants us to leave.
I'm feeling like I was r***ed by him again (like before) and unsafe.
W_I is hurt he didn't respect.
someone inside is yelling it's our fault because we participated anyway and never really said the word NO. Calling us names and said we deserved it because he wasn't going to go on forever being nice and allowing us to cuddle and not expect something back.

I'm so upset I feel sick.
Think I'll take the little chill pill the Pdoc gave us and sleep the rest of the day away. At least then I won't be thinking and feeling all the flashback stuff from before.

don't know what to do when he comes home...
Maybe a non feeling part will just be in the body till we leave to see T tonight.
Crystal