I'm a 20 yr old guy with a past of being shut down or abandoned with most relationships in my life.

I'm very open about my feelings and desires for certain types of affection. I also seem to be pretty dependent which leads me to want her to always be giving me words of affirmation and other 'confidence boosters' and she isn't quite that kind of girl.

Anyway it started off by me saying things that basically boil down to 'can you show me outward affection in a way that I understand a bit more often?' and every now and then if i'm craving some type of affection from her i'll bring it up and it makes her feel bad.These discussions are happening with some frequency for a while and we both end up feeling bad and it just causes drama. Tonight I got this response:

"well i was thinking more along the lines of me trying to tell you things to make you happy hasnt seemed to be working out. It doesn't seem to be making you feel any better and it seems like you dismiss the things that i say and then think that i havent said anything which i assume means i havent found exactlyyyy what you need. Which kind of worries me as you'll eventually just get sick of having the same conversation with me"

Now I have noticed her effort and I admire her greatly for it. This girl is my *ideal* and I know that we have potential to become a successful couple. She's very independent though, I'm not so much. She thinks that insecurity and lack of confidence that I have could be dealt with by exercise and finding something else in my life so that I don't focus so much on the relationship alone. I know she's right too. She's a ballerina, admirably confident, independent, smart, gorgeous... I kind of feel like i can't compete. I have intelligence, caring, and thats about it. Apparently no self esteem.

I don't want to lose this girl, any tips or advice? How can I control my emotions and my feelings of 'you need to stop this and start this in order to make me happy.'? I feel like she's drifting away, and I really don't want that to happen. Don't know what I'd do without her.

How can I convince myself that she fell for me for a reason and just accept that?

TLDR: I cause drama, I make her feel bad, she's amazing, I'm not. Advice?