I should be finishing up my Junior year, but I only have 13 credits and I may not pass all my classes this semester. My first year, I continually skipped classes, was suspended first semester of my sophomore year, then came back second semester and got 12 credits, then messed around again last semester and am on the same track this semester. I don't consider myself to be "slow" or stupid, for lack of a more suitable word; I just waste time. I also don't feel that it is the same as most others in college who feel lazy or waste time either. I simply can't seem to find the motivation to do anything. My roommate says I'm just lazy and I need to have self-discipline. It's not that easy for me though. I don't see how I can just "tell myself" to do something and do it. I feel as if that ability is almost absent.

I've wasted thousands and thousands of dollars in student loans and it bothers me, but apparently not enough to motivate me to do my work. Some days I will just lay in bed and think or sleep. Others, I will watch movies all day (I watched at least 3 full movies on Netflix yesterday) or sit on youtube browsing videos or on facebook refreshing my profile. I honestly don't know how all the time goes by so easily in a day when those are the kinds of things I do. I don't read (unless it's something small on the internet), do homework, study, go socialize, or do anything else that may be beneficial to myself. The only thing useful I do feel that I do with my life is go running with my roommate, but due to an injury, I haven't done that in almost a week.

One last thing that I feel is important that I've noticed is that when it comes to schooling, it's as if my mind wants to always do the opposite of what I'm suppose to do. If I have homework or need to study (which is everyday) and I think about what I have to do, I find something else to do. It's as if I have no willpower for school at all. Then, if it's an assignment such as a paper, I will do it an hour or two before it is due (if it's studying for an exam, I just don't do it at all). The same goes for anything else that I "need" to do, such as bills, paperwork, or any other obligations, even not related to school.

My advisor and head of the psychology department thinks that some of what I have told her sounds like depression, which I agree, but I also wonder if some of it has to do with some sort of anti-authority problem. Either way, I need to figure out how to fix it and I can't afford going to see a clinician. Any ideas? I figure that's enough info for now, but feel free to ask as many questions as you want. I'm a very open person.