I'm sorry about the length of this post.

I hear you there. This is the biggest anxiety causing factor for me. I get all worried and worked up. I start thinking that I'm not good enough for her. I begin to seek out affirmations that she does indeed want to keep me around. I make her feel sad and as if she isn't trying hard enough. This eventually leads me to desire more affirmations and I'd bring it up to her in a way that makes her feel like 'Well here we go again with THIS conversation. I've been trying really hard! It's not working!' when really I'm just in this vicious circle and I HAVE been noticing her effort. I try to tell her 'darling, it's me, not you.' but in the ends she still feels upset and like she's not doing enough. When really, I'm the one asking for too much. I feel so lucky that she's stuck around because she deserves so much better. I swear I have the hardest time controlling my emotions and dealing with my own issues. I always feel like I need to bring her into it like it's her job, but really, only I can handle this.

Thank you for saying this, it was a bit eye opening and I realize that's exactly what I'm in the habit of doing. I'm always comparing myself to her (She's a good role model for confidence and independence) but maybe I should stop comparing and focus on learning by example and attempting to understand and execute the information I've gathered. I'm going to rearrange my focus here. I believe this is key.

Nailed it. I'm becoming convinced you have been spying in my thoughts. I do the note thing also. It helps me to know that she cares. I save text messages and what not, I have a folder on my computer called "What (hername) Likes about me." It can help a bit, but it doesn't solve the issue. However, like you said, it's a mental adjustment.

Something she's been preaching since before I started dating her was the importance of having something else in your life besides the relationship. Something that you devote time and effort to, something that you enjoy and that makes you feel worthwhile. She told me that she had gone through a kind of similar situation with her ex and always thinking that the relationship will fail. She picked up her love of dancing again and the change she experienced in everyday life basically boiled down to more self worth, confidence, independence, and overall happiness. She had something else in her life that she loved and it helped her place herself as the center of her life. She ALWAYS tells people that it is VERY important to find SOMETHING.

In other words...

This girl's own insight to herself made me fall for her HARD. It's what I love about her.
Thank you for the compliment. You actually give me a bit of a confidence boost there because I tend to pride myself on my insight and intellect. Actually, though, I hear this often from people. I'm not the most masculine guy, I'm very attuned to understanding emotion and being empathetic. Dealing with emotions is a different story though. Anyway, I tend to see this emotional insight, interpretation, and expression as kind of a feminine thing which just adds on to the 'not so masculine' view of myself. This is one of the causes of insecurity I guess. I'd like to think this is one of the reasons she's attracted to me? I'm not convinced it's enough though. Girls like muscles, adventure, daring, fun, etc. I feel like she'll just get bored of me in that respect! I find it hard to see these things as positives if I think she'll not be attracted to me (especially physically) - but more on this in a bit.

This has been the orientation of my self improvement I've been working on for most of the winter: What can I do to improve self esteem and confidence? What can I do to make myself the center of my life? What can I do to make myself more nonindependent? (because of these things are attractive features to have). This is another one of those areas that my girlfriend has opened my eyes to. I want to be like her, she is all of these things. I have decided that I'm going to pick up exercising again. In fact, I decided this a while ago. I want to also pick up my other love in life, the one thing that made me feel more confident than anything: Hockey. I was basically a star a few years back in my league and I LOVED it. More confident than anything. So why did I ever quit? I had to have spinal surgery and an invasive foot surgery within a year of each other. I guess I just never picked it back up and my self esteem has been going down since. In fact I just found out I have to have a double diskectomy and laminectomy in a few weeks and I've been in pain for months. Yeah, 3 spinal surgeries and I'm 21 (yeah I said 20 in my original post but that's due to habit, my birthday was Tuesday). So I haven't been able to carry out my plans for becoming a better man and I wont be able to for a couple months yet. This is very hard on me when I'm so desperate to help myself become better.

This is basically my gameplan. I need to focus on me. She's supportive in this also, she thinks it's very good that I'm really trying to make myself more central to my life.

Wise words I will be sure to remember. I will begin to view things less emotionally and more objectively. I need to oust that fear I have of things going wrong and not feeling worthy of love, so that I may allow myself the feeling being worthy of love.

This has been my latest realization! Just recently I realized how worried about the future I am, of the relationship failing, of her meeting another guy that sweeps her off her feet, how will I survive without being loved? I discovered that I really just want to enjoy the present. I want to be able to say I had a great time with an amazing girl and not feel afraid or worrisome afterward. I need to begin to just let things go... to appreciate her and myself, and us a couple. A happy couple. I want to be able to look back at these times and not regret how I handled them. I'm 21, in college, I need to start having some fun. Luckily, there's this amazing girl who feels the same way who likes me for me and wants to enjoy my company as much as I want to enjoy hers. I need to stop WORRYING.

Thank you for this. =)

You have helped me realize some things and brought to my attention some ideas that I really needed to hear. This is a gradual process, but I feel like I can do it. Especially since you seem to have faith in me as well, a complete stranger who read one post by me. I'd like to comment on your insight and understanding as well, whether you've gained it by experience or you were demonstrating pure empathy, you told me exactly what I needed to hear, and that's an extremely admirable trait at minimum. Thank you, again.