I didn't know where else to turn so I thought this might give me some insight. I have been married for a little over 2 years & we have for the most part a wonderful relationship. We are happy most of the time, I can not complain, we enjoy each others company. Our situation is that before we met he was alone quite a long time, he got used to pleasing himself when he came home from work, either while looking at stuff on the computer or whatever. When we got together, our sex life was amazing! Well I still knew that he pleased himself after work, which he says is a tension release...which is fine..until within the last year or so. Our sex life has deminished...I am "lucky" if I get it once a month. No, he would never turn me down, but would not be as into it as normal & never comes onto me. We have both gained some weight since we first met, but nothing extreme, so I don't feel that should be the problem. I know in any relationship the sex will die down some due to work & general every day life. We have no children. He does work hard at work, he is a Mason, but that didn't stop him before. About a year ago we had a major disagreement about him pleasing himself, it got really bad, not that I have a problem with him doing that, I know its common, but when I am not getting any from him then to me it becomes a problem. He decieved me, I threw out all our videos, lotions, etc., he went into the trash & kept some of the oils..as to use himself. When I found them, I really lost it, it wasn't so much the act, but that going behind my back & doing that. Well he got better, I told him he didn't have to stop as I am not going to make him quit all together, but I wanted him to think about my feelings & that I feel he is not attracted to me or that he doesn't enjoy sex with me. Recently I have had feelings that he has started back up again & more frequently...well I was right I confronted him about it last night. What really hurt is I suggested we go get some oils & such & have a really romantic sexy night Sunday night, he blew me off. Then to find out he had just pleased himself on Monday when he got home. Talking with my husband is not very easy, he does not communicate well...that is another subject, so I knew that trying to talk to him would not get me anywhere. We finished our dinner & I went to bed, I don't know how to handle this. When I ask him why he only answers "I don't know". When I ask him why we don't have sex I get the same reply. I don't know how to get him to open up, if there is something bothering him I need to know. I know that sex is not the most important thing in a marriage but it is important. Any advise or thoughts would be a great help. Thanks for reading my long first post...just had a lot on my mind. I don't want to lose him!!!