A lot has been happening in therapy lately. We've started to work through the very long list of guilt I have. When I had an anxiety attack a few weeks ago, it started a panic cycle I've been experiencing every session. I've been spacing out for a few minutes at least once a session, and can't focus on anything. I can hear my T talk but I'm not listening and I go somewhere else mentally. I've never had experience with disassociation so I'm not sure that is exactly what I'm experiencing, but my T thinks it is a little bit. He asks me what's going on when he sees me staring off for a couple minutes. By the time I'm there I can't really find the words to answer him.

Anyway, there has been so much coming up lately that we need to explore. So much with guilt and uncovering it, with the hope I can feel real sadness. We talked about how I get spacey, and he said "90% of the things I say are things you already know, but the times that you feel that panic when I say something are the times we know we are on to something"...so LOTS to work through. AND the best part is that he's going to be on vacation next week. So, I have a 2 week break and I hate that I feel so much right now and I don't know what to do with it. I'm also afraid that when I see him, it is going to take more time to reconnect and get back to where we left off. UGH I HATE BREAKS!!