Thanks roses. I haven't been in the same room with my father since before Thanksgiving. Don't plan on it any time soon. I call him occasionally when I feel strong enough, which is rare. Of course he always asks when I'm coming down to see him again & I avoid a firm response. He just doesn't get it what he does. And frankly I don't think he cares. My brother is very much like him and also doesn't understand why I've put this distance between us. Whatever. Bout time I took care of myself!

There was relief when mom died - because I didn't have to deal with the physical presence of her that wouldn't stop doing to me what she always did. But I'm now left with the sadness of what was & how I WISH it was.

And as awful as it must sound I'm looking forward to when that man dies so I don't have to deal with the continuing abuse and just deal with - again - what was & how I wish it had been.

Lavalamp