I've been lurking about wanting to vent and not knowing how, where or how to start. My sweet Heather just happened to ask the right questions, so here goes my rant.

PM from Heather: I hope you are ok? Is it cause of the SS that you are stressed out about? What is going on there? Did they call you back? What about camping? What happened there hun?

My answer: It's everything! Jerry added the straw that broke the camel's back last night. I've been hassling with SS every day since two weeks ago and I can't get any response from them except that my Welfare worker didn't turn in the necessary papers. It's a LIE!! I called him and he told me he had turned them in in OCTOBER!! Stupid Fu***** worker has just been sitting on them!! My Welfare worker WALKED them to the SS office last Wednesday and still nothing!! Every time I turn around I find something I need and get frustrated at every corner because I haven't gotten my money. Then Jerry decides he wants to go camping yesterday so we got busy getting the RV ready and buying a few extra things. Now get this... I didn't charge him rent last month, ok? He said he needed to get caught up on some of his bills. I was expecting my retro check last month ( and for the last 39 months!!!) so I offered him no rent thinking I'd be okay. We sweated it through. Last night I asked him to buy me a carton of cigs because I was out and I'm out of money, too. He got so PISSED!! When he got back in the RV he said we couldn't go camping because he had just spent the money he intended on using on the camping trip!!!! He also has another trip planned to LA this weekend. He went LAST week!!! He's saving what money he has for THAT trip!!! Never mind that he's been witness to how the Disability thing has been affecting me! Never mind that every so often I get excited about getting my money... never mind that I was really excited about going camping, even giving up going out with Monika to get me some new clothes. His self-involved, self-centered SELF got pissed that I needed HIS money for cigarettes!!!! So I guess he's punishing me by not taking me camping!!! He claims he has NO CLUE why I'm so upset! Poor him!!! It's ME that's making him feel guilty for not having enough money to do both trips!!! I know better, but I can't even talk to him to straighten his thinking out, I'm so mad!!! I'm SOOOO tempted to let everything I've learned just fall by the wayside and rip into him BUT GOOD!!!

Oh man! I'm so sorry for venting this way on you. I'm going to post this on the board so that you don't have to bear the brunt of it all. I've been wanting to but didn't know where to start. I'm gonna tell them it's a copy of a PM to you. [censored]!!!! [censored]!!!! [censored]!!!! Where's my shotgun???? DAMMIT!!!! It's in Chico!!! Hell! I'd lose my balance trying to take aim!! And then there's that small problem of not having the guts to do it... or is that too many smarts??? ARRRRRRRRRGH!!!! I can certainly understand the meaning of "going postal" now!!!!!!!!!



<font color=blue>"The winds of change continue rolling and they just carry me away."</font color=blue>