in 2008, when i was 20, i had a very traumatic relationship with an older man who emotionally abused and raped me.

but when he left me, i missed him like crazy. i become a lovesick, depressed zombie for a year - just missing him, crying, obsessing

today i hate him. i can't even bear to see him photo. and i ran into him 5 months ago, and nearly had a panic attack ... thank goodness i was able to run away.

but i have flashbacks of running into him, it was terrifying. and the shame i feel as a woman for allowing myself to ever "love" him.

the flashbacks are beginning to impair my well-being. it's when i'm jogging. when i'm driving. when i'm reading. i can't take it anymore! I HATE HIM SO MUCH.