Shadow Wraith,

First off, it sounds like you're somewhat religious not wanting to get a divorce unless she cheats on you. Well, pm me I have a lot to say about that. I'm pretty well versed in the Bible so beware... Moses did tell the people that if they were stubborn let them divorce. Some times people are so stubborn and unwilling to change or accommodate the mate that divorce is the only option. nobody is wholly compatible right from the start, everybody needs to work to make the marriage work.

Secondly, it sounds like you are taking an awful lot personally. Remember that it's not always about you. It could be about how your wife was treated as a child. Hurting people hurt people. Think of your wife as a hurting person, that may help you to have more compassion.

If she refuses therapy then there is nothing you can do. I got a divorce and wasn't comfortable doing so until I had exhausted all avenues for reconciliation. Once I did it became okay for me (religiously and all) to get a divorce. The mental illness played a huge part in my husband leaving me. i can't control what he thinks about my illness. If he can't cope with it or thinks I'm making it up there is nothing I can do. You can only live your truth and not anybody else's.

Also, I don't hear much in the way of you taking responsibility for your part in the marriage not being ideal. Sometimes it can be one sided but not usually. I would encourage you to look at ways you can improve things.

Finally, it sounds like you need support. PC is a great place to get that support. If you can find a local NAMI in your area that is a great place for mental support. It stands for National Alliance on Mental Illness. google it and perhaps get some support from understanding people.

Good job reaching out for help. You seem to be doing a lot to try and figure this out. Keep it up.

Love and Hugs,
Tara