How do you stop hurting others? Well, I think that you have taken a HUGE first step by admitting that you know that you do hurt others.

I was married to a woman for 19 years that did the very same thing that you seem to do. She would lash out at me whenever something did not go her way. I found myself walking on eggshless for fear that I would cause another emotional outburst. Over the years I know I enabled this behavior. I would do anything I possibly could do to keep teh peace and avoid another outburst. Litlle by little I lost who I was inside. The closenss I once had with my wife was gone. I grew to dislike the outbursts and eventually I grew to dislike her. We are now divorced.

Even now after the divorce my ex wife has not changed her behaviors. She lashes out ot the kids, particularly when she is under stress. I don't make excuses for my ex with my kids. However, I do tell them that she loves them and they need to talk to their Mom about her behaviors when she is in a calm mood.

When we were going through marriage counseling the counselor told my ex that when she acts that way she is hurting or upset and often times just needs to be comforted. It was her way of reaching out for help. However, the therapist told her that her actions had the oppposite affect. Instead of getting the help and emotional support she wanted she didn't get the help and certainly received no emotional support. Giving her emotional support when she acted like that was the furthest thing from my mind.

So what do you do next? You do anything in your power to change this pattern of behavior. My ex's behavior resulted in a loss of our marriage. And, even my 10 year old daughter has told my ex to stop doing it or she will not want to ahve a relationship with her when she gets older. Change or you will lose everyone that is dear to you.

Next time something happens instead of lashing out try a different approach. Maybe ignore the issue for a while and try discusssing it at a later time when you are calmed down. Or surprise the hell out of those around you and "take it in stride". Then, watch the reactions of those that love you. After they get over their shock, you just might see them getting closer to you, you might see your relationships becoming closer and stronger.

The thing that always amazed me about my ex's outbursts and lashing out is that it never made the situation better. It always made it worse. Much worse. And the impact from one of those outbursts lasted for weeks and weeks. So why go through that? What is the point of it all? Is it worth losing all those that love you? I think not.