If I were in your shoes, I would go to my sister, see if I could "start over" in her area, feeling that a little bit of support and care, whether literal or "imagined" might be helpful to me. I would at least tell her my difficulties and ask if I could sell most of my things and come to her for a 6 month to a year try at working my way out of trouble with her help; come up with a plan of some sort. It sounds like you have too many nay sayers where you are now, including yourself and you could use a fresh eye and more interested help.

I think the biggest mistake we make when we are down and out is that there are often still people who love and care for us, even though we ourselves think they "should" not or think they care about their money more than they do us (your feeling of not wanting her money help if you do not see how you could pay it back). Both our pride and our negative thinking get in our way of getting help.