Samantha...

I read with much interest your post about your relationship issues. Like you I was married and in a relationship where there was no passion. In my case the passion did not exist for a couple of reasons. First, my ex was (and still is) a very emotionally unstable and manipulative person. It is pretty tough to feel passion for someone that behaves the way she does. Second, she was very uptight about sex and sexuality. And, as I grew older I became more comfortable with my sexuality and became more sexual.

Like you I left my wife of 19 years for someone else. And, like you this someone else was VERY passionate. I felt blessed to have finally exprienced the passion that I thought would evade me. But, I recognize now that I placed too much emphasis on the passion and became involved with someone that I didn't have the same level of mental and emotional connection as I had with my ex wife at one time.

I conditioned myslef to crave that passion so much that I wound out seeking sexual gratification in any way I could. Then I found a woman that I clikced with mentally and emotionally and we fell in love. However, once again I found myself with someone that did not have nearly hte same libido level as I did. Physical intimacy for me became a chore. I tried as hard as I could to give her what she needed, but it was never enough for her. So, I began acting out again. Then I lost her.

Now, as I sit alone nights I ahve to ask myself what was really important. I guess I'd settle for a little less than ideal level of passion to have someone in my life that I love and that connects with me mentally and emotionally. Sounds like you had that with your ex.

It is so frustrating to me to see couples get into trouble because of "lack of passion". Geez, that should be the easy part. Why wouldn't someone want to experience physical intimacy and passion? But, some people have different needs and desire levels and ideally you should click on all levels. But, it may be better to compromise than to wind up with nothing.