Good point there, on wanting to be "better" than his father, to have him trust me when for obvious reasons he couldn't trust not-so-dear old dad.

I have long ago stopped telling him when he cries in his sleep. But I have just found out, there is more to it than the fact that he will never believe me. I also asked this question in a marriage forum at a Christian site, and someone pointed out an interesting fact: His nightmares, and his expressing in sleep what he cannot express while he is awake, are caused by his subconscious working something out. If I tell him about it the next morning, that puts it back in his conscious, and he represses it again, which undoes the progress. We are both best off if I do exactly what I have been doing--hold him when it happens, let him respond by snuggling in to me as he does, and then forget it when he's awake. By responding to me in his sleep, he is showing me that his subconscious knows he needs me. If, the next morning, he remembers having a nightmare, he will tell me about it without my asking. I no longer mention how he was reacting to it at the time.

Hubby couldn't go to church yesterday. It is midmorning now, but his work day doesn't start for another three hours, and he is still asleep. He will probably go to work. He does say he feels better.