This has been such a bad week depression-wise es[ecially with the lack of sleep aggravating it.

I haven't dealt with the work issue yet i hope to email them tonight. i definitely need to calm down some before emailing so i don't say something rash.

i've still been absolutely unable to keep up with my mail and bills. Now I'm dancing around getting in touch with creditors instead of just opening the mail and sorting my bills. My mortgage is a huge problem and I know letting it sit is going to get me into trouble, for about a week I've had some forms from them to fill out for consideration on an extension. In the meantime I got a notice of foreclosure. FINALLY today I got the forms finished and mailed them via overnight. I know it takes time for them to review the forms and make a decision and i don't know if it is too late because foreclosure proceedings are supposed to begin next week.

I finally got up the energy to call them, I'm on hold with them now. Hopefully they will understand that it has been hard keeping up on my own and will give me the time to work it out.

As of last week my "worst case scenario" was to...

Sorry, they picked up while I was writing. The news is good but I'm still a mess, only because I feel so hopeless towards an ongoing solution for this. He was on the phone with me for about 20 minutes, tried to work out a payment plan right then and there but given my current income (only disability) there is not enough to put that through. He was going to take a few payments, not enough to get me out of default but enough to delay foreclosure until my case could be reviewed. That would leave me pretty low in my savings. but the system wouldn't put that through either because of my circumstances. After trying a few different options he didn't take any money from me today and assured me that once they got my paperwork (i sent it today via overnight mail) they would not foreclose while examining my case. Of course they can't guarantee that my paperwork won't be rejected and start foreclosure but he said that he has seen other people in similar situation to me get help.

that is certainly hopeful.

but the problem is I still feel so incredibly deep in this depression that I can't imagine getting through this and making enough income to support myself. Right now I can't imagine going back to work at all, at my old job or something new. I can barely get myself out of the house just to get to the post office today.

My ultimate wish would be to find some way to work from home and make use of my skills, which I do have confidence in, I just don't have any confidence in any ability to make money from my skills. If that makes sense. Plus right now I can't even trust myself to be able to keep any commitments I make at home, i'm not sure i can motivate myself to complete projects on time. I did ok with my website a few weeks ago but that's all shot mostly because of my lack of sleep. maybe with the new prescription it will be better but it is hard to see even a few days into the future with everything so dark and bleek.

i have a support group tonight, I'm going to get ready for it and at least get out of the house tonight.

thanks again everyone.

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
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