I just recently.... I dont know, I guess you can say that I overcame depression. My family doctor and I chatted for an hour about a month ago, and he came to the conclusion that I didn't need my Celexa anymore. He also chalked it up to "S.A.D.", which I know was a crock.

I've never had a therapist to talk to, and I know I need one, now.

Last night, my husband claims he caught me "cheating" online. I put an ad on Craigslist about 4 months ago for an email buddy to talk to when I'm at work. The husband goes to bed at 9, and I'm at work for another 6 hours, and I get bored and need the conversation, since the others here at work aren't my type. Well, the husband saw my blackberry, and saw how I've made a male friend, even though I didn't care whether I was talking to a man or a woman. I just wanted a friend. Well, this gentleman, "R", answered my ad, and we've been talking for about 2 months. NOTHING sexual at all was mentioned. In fact, the only thing we talked about was our families and our work. But, that doesn't seem good enough for my husband. I even showed him all of my emails to this guy from my work computer, and there is NO incriminating evidence.

I was told that I was a piece of $hit, I needed to die, I've ruined his life, etc. Granted, my husband is a king at turning tables on EVERYONE who makes him upset.

Recently, I was also diagnosed with Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome, and I've had bleeding for the past 3 months. I've gone to my ob/gyn three times (once a month to check in on the bleeding and the pain that I've been having), and the husband is dead set that I'm pregnant by this guy, and even though I've told him I've never met this guy, and I would gladly take a pregnancy test to show him that I'm not pregnant, he's refused. He even thinks I'm faking the bleeding.

Yet, he's staying at the house (which is in MY name, by the way), probably to make me feel even worse.

I explained to him that I was just looking for a friend, and I even showed him my ad, saying that I didn't care if a man or woman answered. My ad specifically says that I'm looking for friendship only.

So, after leaving work early yesterday because he told me he was going to kill himself unless I left work and came home to explain myself, and me getting a major write up at work, where I now have 3 unpaid days vacation for "abandoning my job," I'm sitting here at work, an emotional mess.

Yes, I know I'm a piece of crap. No, I never did anything with this guy other than talk/email. But do I really think I should die? No. I guess I need mental help.

I'm calling a therapist tomorrow. I'm nervous about not being able to afford it, and then potentially losing everything I have.

I'm so sorry to rant. Please feel free to tell me what a piece of crap I am, since my husband already made it fully clear.