So, you may know that my husband,died in November, my dog in October and my best friend in April (2005). I lost my apartment. I live in the basement of my mother who beat me up every day until I was 13 years old. So Im alone und until a whole lotta stress.

So I was screwing around with my Air conditioner casue I have parakeets and I didnt want them to get a draft. I was trying to cover it up. And I my finger in this black hole in the AC by mistake. Then it just all kicked. I mean KICKED IN. I started thinking. What if there was a bat living in my air conditioner. yes, now that the drugs kicked in I know how weird it sounds. Anyway. I got a flashlight and I went outside and I had to investigate. Then, I came in and took half the air conditioner apart. Lokked at it from all different angles with flashlights but couldnt get it completly apart, so even though I took the xanax Im still not satisfied. I have to get the stinking cover off. Of course, Ive washed my hands about twenty times this this whole thing started. And squirted them with that alcohol squeezy stuff. Usually I can let stuff go but this one is not going. I got so freaked out that I decided to start the Paxil the doc gave me about six months ago. So now Im waiting to start itching and die from that as well. It really sucks to be me today. Why would my brain let go of this. Any suggestions?! Ort tomorrow I will be outside my house with my screwdriver and aircontioner in pieces. Or in the middle of the night, worse yet. If they dont carry me off tonight, they never will.