Conklinca,

Great words by Mr. Vette! - Additionally, I here's something I learned from my parents who have been very happily married for 26 years. It's really helped me in my past and present relationships. I never, ever heard my parents raise their voices at each other in anger. They'd get pissy and upset with each other (it definitely wasn't Leave it to Beaver in my house!!) but instead of screaming at each other, they'd either discuss the issue immediately and calmly the second something bothered one of them or if they couldn't do that, take a breather from each other for half an hour or so until they calmed down and THEN discussed it.

I know it can be very, very hard to keep from going with the first instinct, which is to scream the daylights out of the other person. Trust me there have been times with my fiance where I would really, REALLY love to give him a piece of my mind. Loudly. However, as you have noticed, that serves no purpose except to upset everybody futher. One thing you might want to try with your husband that worked for Jordon and me (especially when I was manic and thus extraordinarily touchy) is to 1) let your husband know you are working on controlling your temper so that he doesn't react as defensively and 2) have your husband refuse to get involved in a screaming match with you. Seriously. Tell him to walk away if you start berating him and have him come back every few minutes to see if you're ready to discuss things calmly. If you are, great! If not, try another few minutes. If in the middle of discussing the issue either of you start to get upset and angry, IMMEDIATELY shut up and walk away. Keep repeating that until it becomes retrained in your head that yelling gets you nowhere, but calm discussion does.

Thoughts?

Anna

some of it's magic
some of it's tragic
but i had a good life all the way......
~jimmy buffett