CSC : You nailed it. Calling it "double thinking" is perfect. And I tend to agree - now that I think about it - that it's no doubt due to constantly being told to shut up as a kid. Kids were certainly to be seen and not heard in my household.

Quick example : When I was little we had a trailer at the beach. Soon after we bought it all the water pipes broke. One morning we all woke up to about 6 inches of water on the floor throughout. So Dad gets a guy to come over and look at it to get an estimate. Before the guy gets there Dad is ranting about the thousands of dollars it's gonna take to fix this. So the guy comes over and gives him a price that was considerately lower than what Dad expected. When the guy leaves I say to my Dad : "That is cheat." I just wanted to be a part of the topic - figuring Dad would be in a good mood since it wasn't gonna cost him as much as he thought...

The next thing I knew I'm airborne. Got thrown across the room. Slammed against the far wall. Dad is ranting that - since the trailer walls are so thin - the guy would have heard me and will end up charging him more than he was quoted... I was about 5.

That's a pretty typical story. I guess years of that WILL convince you to be a little "gun shy" and watch what you say. And wonder what others' reactions might be.

I hadn't thought of that in years... Came to me after reading your post CSC. I guess "thanks" are in order... It's ok. Gotta get these stories out - somewhere.

Where once I might have felt the painful memories / feelings of that - and so many other events - now when I recall them there's just sadness. I don't think they had any idea how badly they screwed us up.

Anyway, nice to know that whatever I bring to the table (so far anyway) there's seems to be somebody else who experiences it too. "Normalizing" my T calls it. Nice.

Lavalamp