You are not a piece of crap, MissingMyOldSelf!

I'm sorry to hear what you have been going through. It sounds like your husband could use some therapy -- do you think he would ever consider it? I have jealousy issues myself, and I have to admit that if my husband were corresponding with a female buddy I'd probably be upset -- or at least want to know more details -- BUT there is NO excuse for your husband's emotionally abusive behavior. Sounds like he said some horrible, unjustified things to you, and threatening to kill himself unless you come home from work to explain yourself definitely sounds like a sign of someone who needs to work on some issues.

I'm sure therapy would be very helpful for you, and I wish you the best of luck finding a therapist. Please keep us updated.