I was just writing an email to a friend of mine and my usual happy self just left me and I suddenly became very depressed. I'm missing something very important from my life, I've realized this.

The friends I used to have I could discuss anything with and we'd stay up till the wee hours of the morning discussing life...life's mysteries, religion, music, art, families, etc...all very intellectual things. I don't have that anymore. It's all about relationships, how ****** things are, and just stupid things that have no meaning whatsoever! I hate it.

Now when I try to talk about these things I am emotionally and verbally abused. I get the silent treatment or I get ridiculed for thinking in such ways...no agreements, no deep thinking, no pondering over anything intellectual. I need to have deep conversation where facts are collected and discussed. I need to be able to find this somewhere but I have no idea where to look.

And people wonder why I feel so alone. It's like there is no one like me. I like to discuss the mysteries of the universe, cultures, religions of the past, ancient civilizations, mysteries of the mind, etc. Things of that nature. Sometimes I think I should just go back to college just to hear these things and keep enrolling just to hear it. I'd probably flunk out of everything, but at least the conversation about it would be there.