thats an interesting comment. No i dont think there is, or atleast not a satisfying one. Actually, i like to project myself into the grand, but i cant handle it and im not happy. but when im not there, im basic, boring, and unproductive and i cant stand that.

people dont call me crazy in public because i dont talk like this, but the ones who hear me talk like this...well.

its almost like i have to keep changing who i am to be truely satisfied. i once believed i was training for a great war that was coming, so i went on a successful mission to take down a public display of patriotism ( i wont get too explicit here) . I mean most people my age (20) are drinking and hanging out, and i am running through the forest dressed in black to satisfy some agenda which by all accounts could be true.

this wasnt long ago, but i kinda fell out of that...and so i was into rap music and my car....then i fell out of that and now im into my computer. i just never feel comfortable with doing what i do.

but the fantasies (or realities) i have seen are so incredible it makes being average seem soooo pointless, so i look down on everyone. i have to admit though, lately i havent been feeling too crazy, but still i see no method by which i got rid of my madness so im sure its still there.

i do remember it got bad for a while....talking to me must have been like talking to a brick, i dont know where my emotions went. i was so convinced of imminent war based upon prognostications of a time traveler.

but as for a middle ground. i have no clue who i am i decided, i dont know how to behave around anyone, i am a failure with women and im unsure of my sexuality, i have to impress everyone because i cant do it myself, etc. the thing is though, that sometimes by myself i just go into this zone and i forget about everything. like on instant messenger, say in the morning you could talk to me and i would be a vegetable, but maybe that night it would be like talking to einstein with mathematically satisfying sentences and deep universal understanding. i feel as though that is where i project myself, its clear thought and anything is possible. i also decided one time i was going to try and communicate with aliens because i had read online that it was possible through some type of transcendental communication methods, but i chickened out because im alien-phobic and i would have died instantly from fear if i actually got it to work. i know, this is madness- it certainly reads like it- but my general theme, what if it really isnt and the threads by which everyone weaves there understanding of reality are falsely woven...

sometimes i think i quit because i got lonely