I'm new to this site. Happy to have found a way to hopefully get some support throught this life altering time. I have complex ptsd/ social phobias/ and a sever panic disorder.
I'm currently 37 weeks pregnant and becomeing more and more scared everyday. Scared of what??? Labor and delivery, medical conditions, fear I did something wrong while I was pregnant that may have hurt the baby, fear my fiance is pulling away from me and trying to move on, fear that my fiance will take the baby away from me, scared my fiance may go to jail right after the baby is born and I wont be able to support us... My list goes on forever.
I haven't been able to hold down a job for almost 2 years. I'm constantly trying to get the old me back but the more I try the more I seem to crawl farther into my shell. My fiance has always been supportive and there for me, but now he acts as if my feelings dont add up. Out of the blue he leaves me to go out with his old friends and ex girlfriend and other things that remind me of my ex's actions. Which sucks because I'm stranded in a hotel all alone, in a new town. I try to remind myself that he isn't my ex, but the more red flags that come up the more I find myself panicing, inturnally struggling to not act out, end the relationship, or even leaving my room. I don't know what to do? He wants me to live with my grandparents, 4 hours away, after the baby comes. His reasoning is that we need to save money. However the past 3 months his spending has gotten out of control, going to bars behind my back. If I go to my grandparents he supposidly will save money by staying with friends so that we don't have to pay for this hotel. However, I know he'll be out at the bars and spending the same way he is now, probable even more because I'm not there to slow the spending down. It also makes me feel like he wants me out of the way so he can do what ever he wants.
We have been arguing because of the trips to hang out with is old friends and ex. His ex always trys to show me up when she sees me, trys to tell him she was better than me, and has called me and told me I am not his fiance. I dont like the fact that he believes her stories over me. I told him that it makes me really insecure and his response was that I they were together for 7 year and have been apart for 10 before he meet me and that she will always be in his life. This makes me so scared not only because it makes me feel invaluable to him but also because this is how and when the abuse started with my ex, which started when I was pregnant with our daughter and got out of control when he was cheating on me. I don't have anyone to talk to about this, dont know what to think, Please Help.