Good grief,

All I can say is that we certainly have some maturity between us.

Ozzie, I feel closest to your description myself, and the 'hurt' feeling definitely underlies some of my worst overreactions. I do the anger and avoidance thing, and often both - as my angry reaction means I have to avoid the person after that!

Serenity,Yes, I think that people pleasing leads us into trouble as our resentment builds up because we are not being assertive and yet desperately want to be. Then we often take it out on our loved ones.

My feeling is that being able to admit that we have these features in ourselves has to be a good thing. I have known quite a few people who bring trouble to themselves and everyone around them and yet they would never admit to a single flaw! Unfortunately that position can be comforting to the individual and it's not easy to help them out of that spot.

The famous therapist ,Dr Wayne Dwyer, writes about learning to go through the world without entangling ourselves so much. If we don't feel threatened, then we don't have to react. That is a place I want to get to if I can. I think it' s about having some 'skin' and feeling comfortable inside it.

Cheers, M

PS - I have noticed that my daughter (who I always like to talk about!) can say some really challenging things to me and I don't react at all. I guess I love her so much that I have put her in a safe place where I am concerned. Wayne Dwyer talks about putting everyone in a safe place, which does sound pretty angelic to me. He's a lucky guy if it's really true.